Eggshells

Ramp walk on eggshells

Grown ups don't cry. Especially people who have crossed 40s. It is not cool. And if it is a traditional household, then you as a woman cannot cry on Tuesday, Friday , after dusk, on festival days, on birthdays, etc.  You cannot cry the moment you become a wife/a daughter in law/ a mother,  you name it.  If God forbid, you do cry it becomes an immediate topic of interest and  gossip and there will be people who will behave around you as if they are either on Tarun Tahiliani ramp show or doing a ballet or playing poker, but still ears will be flapping out to hear the exact reason why you cried.  Once the reason is known,  you lose your top ten gossip rank fodder.

And do hear this, during funerals you are not supposed to be howling or crying out loud(that is only done by few caste people), you need to be composed in your grief, in fact be lucid and practical. One reason  I am given to believe is that the soul which is departing will hang around unable to board the heaven or hell express or to get physical life again. The express gives 3 whistles i guess, you miss the train you miss the confirmed destination and you are neither there nor here. Not to mention the fact that the moment a person dies , their name ceases to exist and they are just referred to as BODY ( when we are alive we get irritated if people don't call us by the right name or by right  pronunciation but atleast we can protest ,as a soul nobody can see you and your protests can't be heard by anyone ).So if the soul  see woman of the house howling , they get stuck on earth ,which over a period of time makes the soul pretty frustrated and then angry and it starts cursing you (The origination of Pitru curse I suppose!)


And yes ! strong woman can't cry.  They need to be strong and crying makes them look silly. I remember in my late 20 and early 30s, I used to be so  stressed and wanted to cry but couldn't as my mother felt pretty upset seeing me cry and will go into emotional rabbit hole of her existence and in office  as a boss,  my team will lose their respect of they see me break down.After marriage, you can't cry as you will be perceived as weak and  in front of in-laws, it is taboo as it means they have to acknowledge you as human.

Some friends don't know how to handle you if you break down,some will behave as if they are rebirth of Lord Krishna as a charioteer,  some will behave like direct successors of Sri sri Ravishankar., others will  just walk away or worse look on with a glazed look on their face that even a fully stoned drug abuser will find it hard to replicate. 


So where do we cry and how do we cry? Tears can be of happiness, of relief, of sadness ,of fear, of failure,of regret, of losing, of having lost, so and so forth.

You know even the best wood furniture needs to be termite treated every year, otherwise thought the outside structure might be aesthetically pleasing to the eye, internally it would have been just becoming sawdust.

Even Strong woman or for that matter Man, need to be allowed to BE A HUMAN., which means allow them to laugh or cry without making them feel that they are in Aap ki adalat show. Let it not be a privilege but a seventh emotion alongside other six emotions. Let them take steps without lining their path eh it broken eggshells.