A Zen monk Shunryu Suzuki noted," In the beginner's mind, there are many possibilities but in the expert's mind, there are few".
And as we grow up, we start feeling we are experts as we have so many life experiences under our belt and hence, we immure ourselves, assuming dearth of possibilities.
When I started the blog a year back, I was enthused with the variety of topics that I can talk about, express my views and have conversations with like minded people., there were just too many possibilities as what I could do and how I can create a niche for myself. As months went by, I was constantly overtaken by Imposter Syndrome and kept losing my mojo. And of course, not to mention that my two best friends (Procrastination and Laziness) refused to leave my side during this and were keeping me company 24x7. They thought they are giving me comfort when I am plagued by such negative thoughts and well, they were behaving like "Whanau" (A word in Māori (New Zealand Tribe)).
As I realized this, it also sunk in that I need to consider myself a beginner again, explore new possibilities and learn to accept failure, as many a times failure also becomes a form of nourishment for your soul to push ahead, to not give up and to chase success. Therefore, this week, I am trying a new path; slightly deviated from Pit Stops of my life but incorporating the lessons learnt and weaving it in fictional mode. Yes, once a month I decided that I will attempt to write a story in which I can let go of my thoughts freely, not hold them back or adhere to certain set norms.
February 6th 2022 will be considered a black Sunday, as we have lost our music soul Latadi. She has been a part of our lives so much that I don't recall any moment in my life whether happy or sad, that her soulful rendition has not given me the much-needed emotional hug that I needed at that moment. She was a trailblazer even in personal life, she managed to remain single and happy and have a extended loving family, without bowing down to the tradition of the society. And considering the times she grew up, I am sure that must have been the most difficult phase. I am still in denial that we have lost her, though her music will live on, the grief is yet to dissipate and I am unable to listen to her song without becoming moist eyed. A heartfelt salute to the lady who was a companion to almost everybody's life., and mine forever.
The Invisible Husband.
As they entered the classroom, holding hand of their child, they were greeted with a cacophony of noises. The school room sounded and looked like a Market Day at the local fair and they couldn't locate the teacher. Their children tugged at their hands to be let loose and ran to join in the melee and all 3 of them looked at each other and smiled.
Hi, I am Rhea, my son is Chanakya (we call him Chans)., I am so happy school is going to reopen! So, saying, she looked at the other two.
Hi Rhea, I am Swati., my daughter is Avantika., Yes, I agree, even Iam happy though I guess I will be termed as evil mom, grinning at them.
Hi Rhea, Swati, I am Kaveri, he is my nephew, his name is Surya. I am having mixed feelings about the reopening of school, but yes, in a small way even I am happy.
They pulled chairs together as the teacher walked in and listened to the instructions given for the reopening of school's post pandemic. The hybrid model was to be kept in vogue here and this made a lot of parents protest as for them it will be double work , but the protest was quietened down by the head mistress who said they will test the hybrid model for a month and post that they will go fully offline and children can attend school full day as per their standards they study in. The headmistress was very calm and spoke in a soft voice, which made parents to stop shouting and give immediate attention to what she was saying. As she continued speaking, Rhea, Kaveri and Swati all heaved a loud sigh and quickly covered their mouths to hide the same and smiled at each other.
The headmistress concluded the PTA meeting by announcing that to make children get used to school environment again, they will keep the children in school for an hour without their parents and the parents can pick them up later. This announcement was met with squeals of laughter and joy from children and a lot of sighs, frustration and anger by parents., as they will have to be around school premises for another hour.
Suddenly Kaveri looked at the other two and said "Let's go for coffee at the corner Charu Cafe"? I haven't had breakfast and they have delicious hot breakfast and filter coffee". This way, we will also get to know each other., and quickly pass the next one hour.
Rhea demurred, saying she has to log in for work and will not be able to miss, whereas Swati was excited to go for coffee and requested Rhea to delay the log in or may be, to write in an email saying she was in PTA meet and will be delayed. Looking at their faces, she couldn't say no again, and decided to join them and three of them, started walking down the road, leaving their cars parked in the school premises.
Though they were physically walking together, each one of them was in their own thoughts and the morning events that happened at their houses unfolded again., with each of them was studying/looking at the other unobtrusively.
Rhea wore a slight pink cotton saree with a kalamkari blouse with hoop earrings and a tulasi mala jostling for space with Mangal sutra. Her coffee colour complexion with her black lustrous hair and the pink saree made her look like a model. Swati wore scuffed jeans with a white shirt, her hair tied in pony, and a red lipstick on her fair complexion made her look extremely self-confident and sure of herself. Kaveri wore blue lucknowi print salwar kameez with copper colored hair, cut to her nape and a small diamond stud in her ears, her wheatish complexion coupled with her hair color, made her look pretty daring and adventurous.
They rounded the corner of the cafe to be greeted with tantalizing smell of Steamed Idli, Medu Vada, Sambhar with aromatic coffee being served in brass cups. Kaveri immediately plonked herself on an empty chair and gestured to others to sit and called out to the waiter. Looking at her and at the smell assailing their senses, though both Rhea and Swati had decided to just have a cup of coffee, they also ordered a plate each of Idli-Medu Vada combination with pineapple sheera and filter coffee.
As they were waiting there, Swati asked both Rhea and Kaveri as what do they do? What is their day job?
Rhea said she is a lecturer in college teaching economics and statistics, stays in Thane and currently has taken a break from college and takes online classes for Tutorials as her kid was at home and they didn't have support system.
Swati nodded and said yes, if we don't have support system, we really face a lot of problems. So, saying, she said I work as a Public Relations Officer in hospital and stay in Mulund. I am running against time currently with my official plus personal role expectations and there are times, when I just feel like disappearing from the world like Harry Potter does with his invisible cloak.
Kaveri, nodded at them and said " I own a catering business, and I have a base of 100 lunches/breakfast and over and above that, I also teach baking classes" I stay in Airoli and I haven't seen a sunrise calmly in the last few years nor a sunset., actually I haven't seen any wonders of nature since last few years as I am always rushing from one point to another.
There was a moment of silence, as each digested what the other had said and noticed that nobody said anything about their spouse/partner or family. As they were savoring the ME time of theirs, amidst such wonderful setting, the waiter served them their breakfast piping hot and immediately, all three attacked as if they had been hungry since ages.
After few bites, they settled down and looked at each other sheepishly and grinned.
Swati suddenly exclaimed " If I was asked to describe the adage "Heaven on Earth", I would happily point at this breakfast and the quietness at which we each could eat, without getting calls of duty.
Rhea nodded so vehemently, it looked as if her neck will fall off. " I agree what you say, Swati. There are times, I feel I am just a robot, designed to be super smart but have nil feelings"., as she said this, her eyes welled up and she choked as she took a sip of coffee., remembering argument at her place in morning.
Kaveri, sitting next to her slapped on her back and made her drink water. Then calmly asked her " Is everything okay Rhea, you seem pretty vulnerable now".
Letting out a huge sigh again, Rhea nodded her head again and spoke
" Yes, everything is all right., It is just that I wish sometimes my husband realizes how difficult it is to manage my career, home, commitments etc. alone while he remains a silent partner or a sleeping partner I must say" It has been 3 months since I have seen him as he is travelling and I feel sometimes so overwhelmed with all the expectations people have on me."
Why? Is he in sales? asked Swati.
"No", said Rhea. He is an Independent Venture capitalist and was named as one of the successful VC in the latest Forbes Magazine also. Actually, we used to date since college days and got married 7 years back, but know each other since last 15 years and I feel I saw him more during dating time than post marriage. Sometimes, I feel that he is Animagus from Harry Potter, who switched from boyfriend to husband and shed off all human behaviour and behaves as if his only purpose on earth is to earn more money.
She took a sip of coffee again and continued " Not to mention my aunty turned Mother-in-law. She herself is a retired actuary and knows the demand of corporate world but has total amnesia about that now and expects me to behave like a 13th century hand maid. She named my son "Chanakya", can you believe it, when I wanted it to be Arjun? My husband just ignored the entire subject by quoting Shakespeare to me " What's in a name".
Kaveri was silent the whole time, and ordered a round of Dal Vada for them as she saw the cook frying hot Vada's through the window., shushing their objections about their diet.
"Yes, I agree that woman don't understand other woman when their role changes Rhea," said Kaveri. My husband is a CEO of a FMCG company and travels for almost 15 days every month. He comes back, he works 17-18 hrs. in day job and insists that the company will shut down if he takes a leave or doesn't attend his phone or talks to me for 5 minutes., in fact we haven't slept together in the same bedroom at the same time.
"Oh! so your nephew stays with you," said Rhea.
"He is my husband's nephew," said Kaveri. His sister and brother-in-law passed away due to Covid last year and we decided to take care of him. His parents had passed away in an accident few years back during adventure sports and since then, he has been semi reclusive. Ours is also a love marriage and before we got married, he made it very clear that he doesn't want kids. As I also had very abusive childhood, I also agreed to the same and we actually even made a legal agreement, notarized and all.
"That must have been brutal for you Kaveri, as you will have to take the full responsibility," said Swati.
"Yes Swati, I do but I don't mind responsibility as the kid is great, but what I do yearn is for my husband to behave like a human being and sometimes talk to me, give me a hug" It is just like what Rhea said, he has become a robot with the only intention of earning money and escaping realism"., said Kaveri.
"What about you, Swati " asked Rhea.
Swati took a deep sigh and said " My husband used to work in Mercer Group of Hotels but due to Pandemic, was laid off". He is currently employed in a resort but not to the level of his earlier job. This has made him frustrated and he either works at office or hangs out with his colleagues or goes out with his friends. It is as if, the lay off and the subsequent happenings were designed by me and my daughter. There are times , I feel I am living with a stranger.
"That must be tough for you, Swati"., said Kaveri.
"It is, Kaveri. It is". As she said this, she had a wistfulness in her eyes, a longing for human being, a mature human touch.
As she heard this, Kaveri suddenly got up, knocking the water glass off the table and demanded that others also get up. As they got up, she pulled them in a group hug and held tight.
Both Rhea and Swati were surprised at first but let go of inhibitions and hugged each other tight.
Kaveri, shouted at the waiter to get 3 more hot filter coffee and once they arrived, she raised a toast
" To the women, who stay strong and positive, while dealing with INVISIBLE HUSBANDS"
On hearing this, all of them burst out laughing and started walking back towards school, with a lightness in their step and a song in their heart, for having found a soul who will understand them.
" Iam glad, I didn't go to work today," said Rhea. And I would love to be friends with both of you forever.
"Yes" chorused both Swati and Kaveri.
That night, as they looked at their husbands in their respective houses, they didn't feel the same frustration but had a naughty smile on their face, as they remembered the moniker for their husbands " The Invisible Husband"